Stand-up & Be Recounted: Paul Kerensa

Greenbelt 2007

One way sure-fire way to finish the Edinburgh Fringe in a good mood is by playing a sell-out crowd, and although Edinburgh itself didn't quite deliver that (see previous post), the Greenbelt Festival in Cheltenham certainly did. It was the most fun gig I've had all year - I did the solo Genesis show in front of 500 people, with another 500 queuing to get in, and then raced off to a late show on the same site for a 20min in front of somewhere up to 2000 people (I think it was more like 1000). Twas just what I needed.

It was an unusual mini taste of celebrity, just for a day - after doing that gig, you walk around site and people seem to know you. Then you go home and return to normality for another 364 days. It's a little unsettling. Also at the festival were Chas & Dave, Janey Lee Grace from Steve Wright's factoids, a great singer/songwriter called Cathy Burton, m'good friend and top bassist Steve Lawson, fine guitarist Kathyrn Williams, as well as many other excellent performers. Good line-up and a very chilled and fun festival.

I bought myself a Manga Bible there - one of the strangest books I must own now, but I'm racing through it and it's brilliant. The entire Bible, in Japanese comic-book style. Cos I know very little about the stories in the Bible, and feel I ought to know more, so it's a great way of very broadly going, "Okay - Joshua attacked lots of countries, Samson went a bit mental, Job had a bit of a hard time..."

And tomorrow I fly back up to Scotland, due to an administrative error in which my agent thought I was still in Edinburgh for the festival, so he booked me in for Glasgow Jongleurs. Ah well. It'll be a nice couple of days away, relaxing, sleeping, catching up at the cinema, and trying to stay alive among in a Glaswegian bearpit.

The Show Mustn't Go On

So here's how my Fringe ended. Last show, and I hadn't signed the contract for the venue hire. This is because the venue had not delivered - aside from the road noise outside, the need to keep our show's decibels down because of a wanky guitarist next door who refused to use a microphone, and the uncomedyness of playing a 140-seater marquee in daylight at lunchtime... there was the real clincher that the box office staff were actually shrugging paying punters off. I had people come up to me in the street asking where the show was on, because they'd been to the venue and tried to buy a ticket, only to be told by Box Office Moron No.1 that they didn't know the show, and didn't know where it was on. Little did Box Office Moron No.1 know that I was in the tent about a metre away from them, setting up the show to perform to the dedicated 9 people that disregarded box office's dissuading words.

The only silver lining I can find to this cloud was that the punters were did have were wonderfully committed to the show. They had in many cases been to a cave first, then battled past box office telling them they'd never heard of the show, then being directed to a tent I wasn't in, then ultimately taking their seat in the marquee I was in. Well done them. That's dedication.

So this is why I hadn't signed the contract, in the hope of a reduction/discount in light of the inadequacy of venue staff and venue. The venue manager, who shall remain nameless, blockaded the venue entrance and, in front of the queuing audience (again, showing dedication in getting that far), declared that if we didn't sign to say that we'll pay him the full whack of the best part of a grand for his services, then he'd cancel our last show.

A dilemma, then. Does the show go on, and we pay for it? Or do we stand firm against paying the full amount, but forfeit the final show and send the audience home?

I chose the former. I paid about £60 per audience member for that last show to go ahead. They were nearly worth it. Well, I told them the above, so that they would hopefully give it their all, and they did.

Why did I do it? Well I wanted the run to end properly. It would have been a massive anticlimax to not do that last show, plus while I know that venue manager didn't really deliver, I'd like to think I have. Those who saw the show seemed to really enjoy it, and I did the very best I could given the circumstances. I was pleased with it. So while I'm happy that the venue manager may have bad words said about him on the grapevine, I didn't want my name to be mud for not paying him - I'm sure it wouldn't be, but at least I can say I did everything above board. If we weren't happy with the venue and their staff, I guess legally we should have stopped performing days before and just given up and gone home. So in that sense, he was right to not let us perform that last show unless we paid for it. I just wish he'd have listened to us and negotiated a little to give us a price that would reflect the half-arsed efforts of the venue resulting in lower ticket sales than I feel the show deserved.

Ah well, you live and learn. I shall compile a list of Things I've Learned At Edinburgh Festival This Year in a few days, and post it here. If you're ever planning to do a show in Edinburgh, I'd say it's required reading, because I learned a-plenty this year. Mainly about who I trust to manage a venue.

In a week I'll be home watching all the My Name Is Earls I've taped

Finally seen some shows. Sarah Kendall - excellent. Adam Hills - a hoot, especially when making his signer-for-the-deaf do swear-words. John Gordillo - wonderful and humble and genial. Pappy's Fun Club - daft and delightful. See? Who needs stars out of five.

Well I do, twould seem - reviewers have been to see my show but pretty much no one has published. Tis the curse of me arriving chez fringe ten days late - even being a week now, 7 shows in, it's such an uphill struggle playing catch-up. I'm happy and confident my show is a good one, and people who see it say very nice things about it, but cos we're in a tent on a building-site at lunchtime and it's not a venue associated with an upturned cow or a golden inflatable or a pleasant place or a room of assemblage, it's just not on the map.

But to close allow me to plug the two places that *have* kindly reviewed us. one4review.com say nice things here...
http://www.one4review.com/Comedy_/comedy2007/genesis_p_k_.htm

and a kind punter gives it 5/5 here...
http://www.edfringe.com/reviews/read.html?id=4640

So I urge that punter to get a job as a critic with The Scostman. Preferably within the next week.

Ex marks the spot

Cos I'm a late starter, I'm only one performance in - yesterday went okay, though I was a little flustered due to the fact that we've been moved from a cave to a big tent, and then from a big tent to a little tent, and we then had 3 press in yesterday on our first show. Yum.

In other news, has Jason Manford had his teeth whitened?

And have all my exs or dated-onces come to Edinburgh? I know there are several festivals here - the Book Festival, the Film Festival, the Deep-Fried Festival, the Living Statue Festival, the Deep-Fried Living Statue Festival, the Hill Festival, the Umbrella Festival, the Alcohol Festival, the Facial Hair Festival, the Padding Twenty Minutes To An Hour Including A Joke About The Glasgow Airport Attack To Make It Look Topical Festival... but I'd no idea there's also the Used To Be Involved With Kerensa Festival. Add it to the list.

The Genuinely Free Fringe

Just arrived in Edinburgh, 12 days later than everyone else, and I think I somehow flew from Southampton to Edinburgh for free. My pilot friend set me up with a standby ticket - one of those where you probably get the flight you want, but if at the last minute a family the size of the one on Shameless arrives and demands 25 tickets to Edinburgh, I get bumped. The deal was I turn up at the ticket desk, say I'm on the standby list, pay me fifty quid or so, then they direct me to the check-in desk. No one was on the ticket desk, so straight to the check-in desk I went, and they saw I was on the list, and they presumed I'd paid, and I boarded the flight without paying a penny.

I'd been panicking all day about weight limits of luggage and hand baggage, and how close I was to the maximums, given I had a projector wedged in amongst socks, a laptop sitting in a rucksack, and everything from connecting leads to a sound mixer to a technicolour dreamcoat filling out the rest of my case. And if you go over that limit they charge you extra. But as I say, not a penny was spent.

Flights aside, so far Edinburgh has been surprisingly cheap. My agent paid my taxi fare to the flat (though I expect an invoice will follow, plus 15%), our flat comes furnished with breakfast cereal and milk, and there's free unsecured wireless broadband cos some neighbour is technically incompetent and doesn't know I'm using it.In fact the only time I've spent money today was £1.65 for a bottle of water at Southampton Airport. And even then I felt robbed.

In other statistical news, I have so far rejected 8 flyers and accepted 0. I saw 3 people I knew within the first minute of being in a venue, and have seen a total of 6 people I know so far today. All of them said they're ready to go home already.

My financial luck won't last I'm sure, but while it does, and I keep getting flights, meals, taxi rides and broadband access for free, I feel it's only right to share the love. So if you read this and see me in or near a bar in the next day or two, you may claim a free drink at my expense by quoting the phrase "I've read your blog and you're a jammy freeloader".

The upside of London

Had one review so far - and it was a nice one. Thanks http://londonist.com/

But the main unexpected joy of doing a Camden run before doing the Edinburgh run, has been the influx of London gigs. I've had 5 extra gigs in the last week because no promoter can seem to track down a comedian within 100 miles of London. That, plus the fact that a friend of mine is a pilot and can sort me a cheap flight up to the 'burgh and back, means that at the moment this is looking like the fullest wallet I've had in August since before I discovered this whole Edinburgh thing and its money-eating tendencies.

As a disclaimer, I'm not saying I'm flush and will buy all the drinks - I'm just saying that when I'm up there and someone says, "Do you want salt and sauce with that?", I'm not going to automatically ask if it costs more. I'll have it anyway and damn the extra twentypence.

Missing Edinburgh

Dear Edinburgh,

I miss you. I'm making do with the Camden Fringe for a week before I come join you after that, but I miss that smell of hops on the street. I miss "accidentally" hitting flyerers in the face with my rucksack. I miss eating enough deep-fried burgers to put me into a coma (ie. two).

I had my first show at the Camden Fringe tonight (of six in total). A nice start, although it was such a hot evening, so I'm hoping that for the rest of the run we'll be blessed with so-called 'bad' weather to make it a more bearable environment for all.

I'm having guest comics down each night. I shall list here who they are, both for the London bit and the Edinburgh bit, in case anyone reading this wants to see them. Or in case anyone reading this is one of those guest comics and has forgotten they're on.

Guest comics are:

AUGUST:
(in Camden)
4 – Del Strain (Sodom & Gomorrah), Yazz Fetto (Jacob)
6 – Nick Revell (Noah, Creation, Babel), Danny Buckler (Joseph)
7 – Nick Revell (Noah, Creation, Babel), Del Strain (Cain & Abel/Sodom & Gomorrah), Yazz Fetto (Jacob)
9 – Nick Revell (Noah, Creation, Babel), Yazz Fetto (Jacob)
10 – Nick Revell (Noah, Creation, Babel), Yazz Fetto (Jacob)
11 – Liz Stephens (Creation), Rosie Donnan (Adam & Eve)

(in Edinburgh)
14 - Liam Mullone (Fall of Man), Toby Hadoke (Noah’s Ark), Andy Kind (Abe & Isaac)
15 – James Harris (dinosaurs/Eden), Tiernan Douieb (Babel), Andy Kind (Abe & Isaac)
16 – James Sherwood (Ussher chronology, Sodom), Howard Read (Noah's Ark), Jude Simpson (Sarah)
17 – Dan Willis (Cain & Abel/Jacob & Esau), Gordon Southern (Noah’s Ark), Iszi Lawrence (Abe & Isaac)
18 – Dominic Woodward (Babel/Adam & Eve), Brian Damage & Krysstal (Genesis medley), Markus Birdman (Abe & Isaac)
19 - James Sherwood (Ussher chronology, Sodom), Yianni (Babel), Jason Kavan (Abe & Isaac)
20 – Nik Coppin (animals/creation), Sally-Ann Hayward (Abe & Isaac), Girl & Dean (Jacob)
21 – Bill Bruce (Fall of Man), Tony Vino (Abe & Isaac), Janey Godley (Jacob)
22 - James Sherwood (Ussher chronology, Sodom), Robin Ince (Creation), Tony Vino (Abe & Isaac)
23 – Nick Hodder (Adam & Eve/creation), Tim Key (Noah's Ark), Richard Coughlan (Sodom)
24 – TBC
25 - TBC

Anyway, dearest Edinburgh, I must sign off now. Leave me some poster-space and I'll see you soon.

Yours, not as full of batter as I'd like,

Paul x

"It'll work in Edinburgh"

Had last preview tonight. The penultimate preview was great, but tonight was a struggle, and I don't want to blame the audience, but... I'm going to. It was nice weather so we managed an audience of 13, at least half of whom were expecting gag-gag-gag stand-up comedy, not two Edinburgh preview shows with powerpoint, intellectual points, and slow-burning stories. They wanted nob gags. So I gave them some, but in the main I gave them 50 minutes of material about or loosely hanging off stories in the book of Genesis. This was a surprise to them.

A much-used phrase in the preview season of June and July is "It'll work in Edinburgh". This mainly follows a joke that the comedian is wedded to but doesn't want to give up on. The thing is that in Edinburgh, your entire audience is there because they've had a flyer, seen a poster, or read some blurb on the show. At previews, the audiences don't even know the theme of the show till the comedian says , "Right, this show's about classical music/ornithology/Lost/the book of Deuteronomy..." - then there's an awkward gear-change in the audience and while half the audience get into it, some inevitably spend the next hour deciding whether or not they want to listen to a show about classical music/ornithology/Lost/the book of Deuteronomy, and wondering where their nearest Jongleurs is.