Dank u well, Nederlands

Just returned from my first ever December holiday. It wasn't a traditional winter holiday - at the bank, and at the airport, and at airport security, everyone asks where you're going, hoping to say, "Ooh, nice!" But I say Holland, and they just go, "Oh." No one knows how to react to going to Holland in December.

It was a lovely few days, though bloody freezing. My other half Zoe grew up over there, so it was a chance to see her old house and school (two separate places), her best friend from them years, and most importantly I now realise, to pick up Dutch sweets. Liquorice, pancakes, mini-pancakes, doughnut balls, syrup sauce, chocolate sprinkles... the Dutch diet seems hell-bent on avoiding fruit and veg at all costs.

The one thing I wanted to get my teeth around was a Turkish pizza - for some reason absent from UK takeaway shops, but all over European ones, and they're lovely. Never found one at the right time alas, though I did find a kebab shop and ordered a takeaway kebab to munch on a bike that we'd hired, only to be given a massive takeaway platter with two kebabs, chips, salad, sauces and cutlery. How I was supposed to eat that while cycling through the streets of Haarlem, I've no idea. A translation problem I guess.

The highlight for me I guess was Saturday night, when we were welcomed into a proper Dutch family home. We did know them - it was Zoe's friend Noortje's family, and very generously the father of the family even gave us both Sinta Klaus presents.

(Sinta Klaus is the Dutch version of Santa, which they cleverly do at the start of December, leaving Dec 25th for the baby Jesus. Sinta Klaus is meant to be a benevolent bearded bishop who arrives from Spain on a white horse via steamboat, assisted by a black fellow called Zwarte Piet (a picture of him and Sinta is attached). People actually black up this time of year to represent him. It wouldn't last long over here...)

The meal was full of convivial laughter and they all subconsciously checked which strand of a conversation I was listening to, and kindly switched to English. The only time the laughter stopped was when I tried to explain the Two Ronnies' Four Candles sketch. It really doesn't translate well.